The Maiden

Reflections

Sometimes I think of the past and I see myself happy. But let us not hurry: I was also very sad at times. Was I mostly sad, or mostly happy? I think only those truly disappointed with their lives can answer this question. And I am not. So the mystery remains.

Exuberance

I like myself best when I am exuberant – as I think most people do. One tends to be flashy, charismatic, and a magnet to others when they are in the state of exuberance. One feels surrounded by admirers and friends and revels in their jealousy (yes, both are forgivable human flaws); it seems like one will always remain in this state.

Melancholy

It is a sweet thing – melancholy. One chews on it like on a crimson cherry. Hmm…

It can be a sour thing – melancholy. One tries to get rid of it as if it were an annoying fly on one’s plate.

It can be a sad thing – melancholy.

It can be a torturous thing – melancholy. To be trapped in it like a spasmodic fish caught up in a fisherman’s net.

***

Sometimes I think about the time I will die. Maybe then I will be certain I had a sad life. But if, for some reason, I was not disappointed in my life, I would never be able to tell if I was mostly sad or mostly happy. Which leads me to the thought: why cannot one ever be certain that one was mostly happy?